Tribe of One

Recently someone posted this on Facebook and even though I was rushing to get somewhere, I had to read it and then share it.

It’s titled “To the Girl Without a Tribe” This IS, always has been, and based on that, always will be me. I’ve been indirectly fighting this in my head, but it is best to not.

Look at is a strength, that you are that independent that you make your own rain, and you dance to the beat of your own drum.

To the Girl Without a Tribe

It really should be viewed as a strength, being independent, moving forward in life, but yet, it doesn’t seem to be. Instead it’s stigmatized, more so for that girl without the tribe; “that is just so odd.”

I used to think that it was just me, due to circumstances of being yanked out of my home city and being suddenly lifted into another country and another culture. And now I don’t even belong to my former culture. Truly ‘the girl without a tribe’. Well, apparently being without a tribe is not just limited to to someone who is not born here….it’s just a certain type of person, like me who for whatever reason has no tribe and never will.

Either way, remember that you are not alone, in being the girl who migrates without a set knit of friends. There are more girls like you than you realize.

To the Girl Without a Tribe

So it’s ok, there are others?

But a deeper question is why does there have to be a post to say it’s OK…in fact, it’s good. Why is there stigma attached to not having a tribe? Why is life so middle school?

After I read the post, I read the comments, and the author got all kinds of kudos, on yes, who needs a tribe. Some commented they never had a tribe and love it. The author doesn’t dis those with tribes and massive girlfriend circles, but it’s really not ‘the way to be’ or the only way to be.

I think the key takeaway is be yourself and don’t feel this need to conform. Yes, some will judge, some will misunderstand, yes, this will cause you grief, but instead live.

There is a gender difference here. A guy doesn’t need a tribe..he’s cool, he’s mysterious. A girl…she’s a reject, she has no friends, she’s weird. Why this separation? I have no idea, but it’s not right. A girl showing up at music venue is strange, why isn’t she with a man, or her girlfriends? Is there something wrong with her? A guy showing up at a music show? No big deal, he’s just enjoying the music. A girl showing up at a dance place alone? NO, she’s looking for action, and she’s an automatic target. A guy? Oh he’s just into the music. It’s a strange world but I have been fighting this most of my adult life. And I challenge myself every day not to feel odd because I don’t have tribe and not to limit my activities.

And Lean into Discomfort every day to grow. You don’t have to be part of the Borg collective. You don’t have to be in female dominated activities. I am in a male dominated profession, and have male dominated hobbies (e.g., cars and watches…not a girl’s girl I was told by a male friend a long time ago). Don’t plan to penetrate to be in a tribe, if it’s just not you. Give yourself the freedom to appreciate who you are. Ultimately you are accountable for your life, happiness, success and actions. And you can chose who you attempt to socialize with, how and when. You don’t have to be a girl’s girl. If that’s who you are, fine, but if you aren’t, don’t think that the standard is to conform to the Hollywood image of girl packs.